Please indulge me while I clarify that personally in my life do not refer to my parents as my “Adoptive parents”; they are my “parents”. I only use these terms throughout my posts so that you can follow the bouncing ball. 😉 From here forward I will use A.D. for Adoptive Parents, B.P. for Birth Parents.
I mentioned in a previous post that I do not recall a time that I did not know I was adopted, but this is worth repeating. I say this because over the years of doing adoption reunions there have been countless times where an adoptee discovers as an adult that they are adopted. For some it only comes to light when documents are found after their “Adoptive Parents” passing. And I was one of the fortunate ones for whom this was never a secret. There are times when I refer to being “someone’s dirty little secret” and can not be clear enough in saying that was never from my Adoptive Parents as one would think. That was a feeling that was brought on after my reunion. I imagine at some time Ill elaborate on that but for now I go back to where I was about the documents.
Even though I knew of my adoption there were moments it was difficult to process. Not solely because of the typical “adoptee issues” felt, but there was nothing presented to me (naturally so) to show me the process that took place. Others may not need that but for me it was a validation of why I felt so different and more so what these people (my A.P.) had gone through and overcome to bring me into their world. It was also confirmation that yes they did want me, unlike what I believed of my B.P.
When I began my search I went to the local Children’s Aid Society and requested my “non identifiable information” which would take years to get because of the back log they had. But knowing I had put the wheels in motion and the process had begun I was on my way to getting answers…Or so I thought. And that was with thanks to my Adoptive Mother (A.M.) who had to sign off on my request for information because I was not quite 18; and with a heavy heart she unselfishly did so.
While waiting for my non-i.d. my A.M. showed me “the” paperwork from my adoption process, the same correspondence that I often wondered about and assumed was just never kept. There now was something tangible in front of me: Something that in itself was likely one of the more important pieces of information I could receive. Being the first written connection between my A.P. and the C.A.S (Children’s Aid Society) I’d seen pertaining to the adoption I naturally felt sad because it was an “in my face” reminder of being relinquished and all the unanswered questions. However unexpectedly I was caught off guard (in a good way) when I read between the lines and realized the depth and sentiment of their process was much greater than i had even given thought to. It spoke of so much of their love and want of children and “I” was about to be a part of that.
They’ve done it; they’ve decided to make an application for a second child!! Yes they already had a son.
It is difficult for us often to take a step back and make ourselves aware of what others have undergone during this process. Although we have our challenges on this path we would be wise to remember others in Triad who face their own adversities. (The adoption triad consists of the adoptee, birth parents and adoptive parents)
I do believe that to be the best self we can be is to know who we are and where we came from. However….and this is a big “however” it’s that I would advise adoptees to expend their energy on continuing their emotional and spiritual growth while they go through their own search and reunion journey. We all long for that idealistic family. Take the time learn and grow in your current life as it is and as you can make it. Allow the process to become an extension of who you are and don’t give it the power to grow, take hold of your life and your entire being.
This video is on the home page side bar but I thought I would share it with you again and I’ve put the lyrics below. I think we should all remember “We were meant for something bigger than this, Don’t ever try to dismiss, Yourself, cause you don’t have to”
Find your light
Don’t hide from who you are
And rise before you fall
In hope for something more
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
All my life
I’ve been looking for something amazing
It’s almost like I’ve been stargazing
The sky is right above me
We
Were meant for something bigger than this
Don’t ever try to dismiss
Yourself, cause you don’t have to
Find your light
Don’t hide from what you are
And rise before you fall
In hope for something more
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
All my life
My dreams just seem so far away
And now it’s like
They’re here to stay
I hold it close to me
Oh
We
Were meant for something bigger than this
Don’t ever try to dismiss
Yourself, cause you don’t have to
Find your light
Don’t hide from who you are
And rise before you fall
In hope for something more
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
Find your light
Don’t hide from who you are
And rise before you fall
In hope for something more
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
Live if you really want to
