There is no other gift as great as that of your mother. To have a “present” mother and one that takes you on the journey of mother and daughter is what every girl deserves. At times the woman who births you isn’t the same one that nurtures you, supports you, shows you your value…your worth and drives you to be the best you that you can be.
Whether you are a biological, adoptive, step mother legal guardian or otherwise; if you are the female figure raising children it is through you that the child perceives the world and the people around her. Her responsibility is huge and even a single mistake can impact the life of children. You instil not only confidence and self-belief in a child, but also teach moral values and the real meaning of life.
I know for myself as an adoptee that somewhere as the years went by I started to think about my biological mother and especially on Mothers Day and my Birthday. My birthday is a week or so after Mothers day so although I would celebrate my adoptive mom (Nellie) on Moms Day I would think of my birth mom (Arlene) and hoped one day I could celebrate with her also. I would think anything from wishing I knew her and could celebrate her to feeling torn because why would I celebrate her and yet feel the angst that would come with the day she had me and decided she didn’t want me. To this day I am torn.
I should clarify that in no way does any of this negate the relationship I have with my adoptive mom. She raised me and she has her place in my life so my feeling and thoughts about Arlene are not to taint our relationship.
As I continue on this journey of self discovery I learn not only about myself but about my both my mom and bio mom. For many years I thought “the grass is greener on the other side” and “I have a whole other “real” family” and so on. A lot of thing became clear to me after finding my bio family. I don’t recall if I mentioned this in previous posts but my bio mom had passed not long before I found the family. So again there is a loss that was there to mourn and a loss of all those hopes that I had of celebrating mothers’ day with her at some point.
I have extensive details/knowledge of my birth mom and I have a little knowledge of who she was. Many years later I am no longer as disillusioned as I was about what could’ve been. I do continue to take a moment on Mothers Day to thank her for not aborting me and for giving me life. I’m conscious of this yearly because without doing this I take away from myself the ability to celebrate the day I was born instead of giving it the power it could have over me.
I don’t know that the feelings I have on Mothers Day and my Birthday will ever go away because now there will always be that element of the unknown. I do know the woman that raised me and the woman I call mom and despite the roads we have traveled I love her and celebrate her in my own way.
So if you too are an adoptee and feeling perplexed when it comes tot he celebration of Mothers Day; know you aren’t along and that I am sending you strength and wishes for your own internal peace.
When I think of Mothers Day and my Birthday I am reminded of this song which I have posted before but am posting again.